Great Tips For Single Baby Boomers

On How To Develop Sexy Attitudes

If my adult daughter was reading this article, I’m sure I’d be watching her roll her eyes and hearing her exclaim “OMG!” I’m not writing this for her though. I’m writing this to help the single person who wants to keep a sexy attitude after 60.

For some reason a lot of people seem to think that when we are 60 or older that having a love life is just a pipe dream. Get over that idea! If you were active sexually as a young person, there’s a good chance you still want to enjoy an active sex life now. And why shouldn’t you?

One of the things I have discovered though is there is a difference in the way we think as single depending on whether we spent years in a committed relationship or have been a “career” single.

I’m going to address some of the issues around being newly single later in life and how to move into a different way of thinking. In another article I will discuss being a career single and the differences between the two.

If you have been in a long-term, monogamous relationship that ended in divorce or death and you are suddenly single, what do you do to get back in the game? How do you meet a man, and when you do, what the heck do you do with him? It’s a difficult question to answer. I could make up a story about some other fictitious person but I’ve decided to share my own life experiences instead.

My second marriage ended when I was 55. None of my married friends had single friends to match me up with so I found before long I was out of the circle. My single women friends decided it would be a good idea to take me out to a bar that had dancing after I spent a few months moping around. The first guy I met was looking for fun and after a few dates with him, we had lots of fun together. Everything I had still worked. Yeah!

I was feeling confused though. I realized a lot of my values were still very old-fashioned. Deep down my inner being was saying if I slept with a guy, I better be prepared to marry him or at least live with him. I was saying to myself that I wanted commitment! That was all I had really known. Not that I consciously searched for that, but that was my comfort zone. I married young and my husband and I were together for 25 years. I got divorced and I was so used to being married that I got married again. Sound familiar?

That was certainly not the way the guy I was dating was thinking. He ran quickly in the opposite direction before long. Commitment wasn’t on his list.

What did I really want in my life? I had determined sex was still a good thing, even at 55, and some of my women friends were ready to live vicariously through me. Dropping the term “loose” from my vocabulary was a little more difficult. I had that married mentality and it was difficult to let it go. It was one thing to go out and test the water and make sure it wasn’t going to burn me. It was another thing to consider the idea of “sleeping around” to have fun.

I was getting different advice from different friends. Some were saying “Go out and have a great time. Just make sure you stay safe.” Others were saying “Don’t even think about going to bed with someone until you’ve been out a number of times with the same guy and you know he’s interested in a relationship and not just sex.”

Since my previous experiences between divorcing husband #1 and marrying husband #2 were pretty lame and short-lived I really had nothing to compare to. I was only too happy to follow both pieces of advice at the beginning. After all, I was single, and my female friends had been single longer than I had, so they must know better than me! So I thought, but that isn't necessarily the way it works.

Getting back into the dating scene was fun, but at times, it felt brutal. I had already scratched the bar scene off my list of ways to meet men. Plan #2 was Internet dating. I developed my profile, posted a picture, and waited. The first guy to contact me was actually very nice. We had some things in common, one of which was sailing. After a lovely dinner and good conversation, I realized I wasn’t ready to sell everything, buy half a sailboat, and sail around the world with him.

The next date was just for coffee. The unsmiling man told me he was impressed that I was right on time. Then he said women had told him they could tell in 10 minutes whether there would be a second meeting. He was right. I already knew in 2 minutes that I wouldn’t see that dude again.

I persevered for a number of months with the Internet thing because I knew this was a learning curve for me. I really didn’t know a great deal about men, (I still don’t!), and I figured it was a good way to start learning more. At first, I didn’t restrict the age of men I would date on my profile. I wasn’t surprised about the number of guys in their 70s and even 80s that contacted me but a lot of them were only looking for a housekeeper or cook or nurse, or all of the above!

Then there were all the young ones looking for cougars. I really didn’t want to go that way either. I just wanted to meet guys my own age with some common interests beyond sex....... not just sex.

I stayed safe. I always took my own vehicle to meet the guy. I never gave my last name or any personal information until I had been out with someone 3 or 4 times. I always got a phone # from them though and if they wouldn’t give it, I knew there was a good chance they were married.

After dating a few more guys, I realized I was sick of the process and deleted my profile. I started going out for coffee by myself and meeting up with friends. Gradually I began meeting acquaintances of friends who were also single. Before long I was dating again and I took one relationship to the next level. There was still part of me though that said the relationship should go a lot farther and maybe there should be some commitment. The same thing happened again. He turned tail and ran.

I had some decision-making to do. Was I going to hang around and wait for the perfect male specimen to show up that I could move in with and live happy ever after? Or was I just going to get out there and enjoy life and whatever happened, happened? I decided to go with the latter.

One of the things I really enjoyed doing was dancing. I never thought of it as being a “singles” pastime. Even though friends talked about going to singles dances, often the people were already coupled up. It was fun to go out dancing at some of the nightclubs but again there were overtones of the bar scene, which I wanted to avoid.

I finally considered taking dance lessons. I checked around to see who offered them to single people and eventually found a dance studio. It was fun and a great way to meet new people but there was no one I wanted to see outside of the studio.

Shortly afterward I took an opportunity to go live and work in Mexico for a year. I had just turned 58. As soon as Mexican children can walk most of them learn to dance salsa. Music and dancing are a large part of the culture. It wasn’t long before I was taking salsa lessons and then I signed up for tango.

It is very difficult for Canadians and Americans to learn to dance salsa and tango the way Latinos dance it. We are too conservative and restrictive in our movements. The dances are not about dancing though. They are about making love and relationship. The movements are very sensual. It is about learning how to attract a guy and then pushing him away and then allowing him back. Latinos understand that. We do not.

After a number of months though, I began to appreciate and move with the dance and I also began to understand more about relationship and myself. I let go of many of my self-imposed restrictions.

I relaxed my way of thinking, and found I was open to dating a Latin man. I was almost 59. He was 46. Latin men are raised to know how to appreciate and respect women. They are also very caring and considerate, which every woman deserves. What more can I say except I enjoyed every minute!

I brought the new appreciation back with me when I returned home. It was obvious I had changed my way of thinking and acting. It was definitely reverse culture shock to return to the conservatism of my own country though. The first thing I did was make a list of what I was really looking for in a man before I forgot what I experienced in Mexico.

I began Internet dating again and I found I was attracting different types of men than I had before. Only a couple got beyond the coffee and lunch date because I finally knew what I wanted. I wasn’t prepared to settle for anything or anyone less.

I have the attitude now that life is really beginning all over again as we age. It is us who make the choices whether to be a Sophia Loren or a Ma Kettle.

After a couple of years I am in a new relationship with a very nice man. I have no expectations that this will be forever but at almost 61 years old I figure I’m going to enjoy minute of it! It's all about attitude!